I attended The First Annual Steve Perry Awards Show last night. Sheryl Crow was my blind date, neither of us were too thrilled. We did our best to pretend to be having fun because that's all she really wants to do.
But we weren't having fun at all.
Luckily my little gay coke dealer comedian friend was there to at least make things funny. And funny things were until he took off his shirt and revealed his boobs which looked like the little cone shaped boobs little fat boys get round bout puberty time. My best friend from when I was 12 had those, big nipples and all. I felt sorry for him and tried not to look.
Oh yeah he also wore the exact same thing as me supposedly to indict me as his boyfriend, as if I'd be embarrassed by that sort of thing.
Nice try.
Later on my mom and some of my friends tried to have a private dinner party upstairs, of course I invited myself along even though there weren't enough chairs or seats at the table.
I hate them.
During the dinner one of the gays was accused of not being gay enough and I said:
"Well he is OBVIOUSLY gay from the waist down".
Of course everyone assumed I was talking about the behavior of his wiener as if I had personal experience when really I was talking about his pink highwater pants with sparkled shoes. No matter what you say regarding the gays, ultimately it will serve as some sort of homo innuendo.
STAY AWAY FROM MY ENDO!
See?
Oh yeah, my sister locked my dog in her closet during the dinner. I found him on my quest for a chair. He looked like he had been in there for 50 years. 10 times as runty as usual.
As someone once sang:
Jesus Has No Teeth in The Land of The Toothless
That's all for now.
Don't get caught quoting Brazilian new wave bands.
Your Favorite Religion For People Who Don't Give a Fuck About Whether or Not There is a God,
Apatheism
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