So something else I didn't tell you about Provo is that's where I was at the ultimate height of my savior complex, so I guess it's no surprise that when I go back there it kinda returns. Case in point, last time I was there I made out with Madonna.
I fucking HATE madonna.
But see that's what savior complex does, it makes you treat people which you'd normally pee on, extree special like, you know because it's a sin to hate. I got in a LOT of trouble because of fucking savior complex. It's really lame dude.
Anyway, Madonna came and visited me in my old apartment (which is now across the street from a HUGE new gas station) I was extree nice to her because I felt guilty for all the mean things I said about her over the years. I tried to compliment her by telling her her stomach was really flat, but in actuality her whole pelvis/stomach area was shaped like a bowl -- sharp and not good for porning. She was so light that she couldn't even smash me which is like one of the best parts of making out.
Madona ain't good at the make out.
Sorry Madonna fans.
Later Dolly Parton did a show out in the gigantic gulch in the back yard. The crowd were mostly lesbians. She came up to give me a hug. She finally looks her age, she has gained probably 60 pounds that they photoshop off her press material. She looked like my mom kinda. Nice lady. I wouldda rather made out with her, too bad I like her.
There were some way frat dudes there gawking at the lesbians all disrespecty so I went over and fake flirted with them to make them nervous so they'd leave, unfortunately they thought I was hilarious and they all wanted to be my friend which was totally the opposite reaction I was wanting.
So I acted like I got a text and had to bail, as if I'm a surgeon or some shit.
I was having hat issues the whole day. I put on a black hat and looked like Slash, then I put on my white cowboy hat but it was dirty and the threads were all fraying like some lame burning man hat so I ended up hatless. Dang it.
Later the girl I have been dating for about a year showed up with Madonna's cell phone charger. Turns out she is Madonna's new stylist.
Awkward guilt time.
Oh yeah, after Dolly's show, the gulch filled up with slimey green water, I went back there to walk around in it and had a very hard time getting out because it was really slippery and I was wearing some brand new shoes I would normally never wear.
Point is:
Provo is for IDIOTS.
That's all for now.
Don't get caught making out with hookers just because that's what Jesus would do. AND DID Probably.
Your Favorite Sunday School Teacher That Ended Up So Not Your Favorite and in Fact Bummed You The Fuck Out,
Prince
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