An old roommate moved back in. I wasn't thrilled. He just showed up and started moving all his shit in. He was crying about some junk so I didn't make a fuss but I was definitely wanting to throw his ass out on the street. I don't need no steenking crybaby roommates.
Anyway, I got rid of him.
I don't need no steenking crybaby roommates.
I went to a party. There was a man there with a gigantic ass and very small pants.
I tattooed a drawing of a mouth on the palm of my hand with a word bubble that says --- yup "talk to the hand". Oh the lengths I go to keep the public happy. You're welcome. Please, sit down.
I took Butterface for a ride on my tricked out Schwinn chopper bicycle. We rode all the way down to Lakeshore Blvd in Lakewood which is close to Long Beach. I was trying to pay very close attention to Butterface because she was just sitting in my lap which isn't very safe and somehow I got distracted and I looked down and she wasn't there which of course sent me into a huge freaked out panic. I turned around my bike and went racing back hoping to find her on the side of the road wagging her tail and waiting for me but much to my horror I spotted her lifeless looking body in the median. Of course I was completely grief stricken and began bawling my eyes out as I picked her up. Luckily she was still breathing. I checked her for broken bones or any noticeable injuries but I couldn't find any. I massaged her and stroked her hair and whispered in her ear that she was gonna be OK and she did her best to lick my hand and give me reassuring nibbles and such. She gradually came to while I cradled her on the long drive home. I think she just konked her head really hard.
She is fine now, not even retarded or anything. No more bike rides for her.
A cab driver passed me up for someone else but I ran and climbed into his cab anyway before the other dude could. He freaked out and tried to get me out of the cab and I told him that if he so much as touched me I would kick the livin shit out of him. He of course refused to drive me home as I yelled at him about how he was just wasting valuable time when he could be making money driving me home. He stopped at the gas station where I got out of his cab and kept challenging him to a fight.
"I want to kick your ass." I said to him with my face three inches from his. "How would you like me to kick your ass? Would you like that you little fucking asshole?"
"I don't want any trouble, just leave me alone."
"You're lucky I'm not kicking your ass right now. You do realize you're lucky right?"
Anyway, I took ten steps to the corner and flagged down a town car. On the way he picked up a crying girl so I got out early and walked the rest of the way home as I drunk dialed the universe.
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