I took the old moped out for a long ride up and over the summit of Pot Hole Mountain and boy were the pot holes ever HUGE, bigger than my moped even. People were trying to run me off the road as usual, because I was on a moped and all... totally acceptable. I pulled over to the side of the road to show a cute girl how easy my moped was to kick start. I'm really good at impressing the ladies.
When I got to Utah I quickly reported to the band house to give Angelo Moore his shots. He had the whole needle kit with him with all of his various medicines and antidotes. He was nervous about getting the shots and I was nervous to give them to him because needles freak me out, but I pretended to be in complete control and totally confident because thats what we doctors do in the face of catastrophic shot givery.
My dad's neighborhood has definitely become the hip spot to live in Utah, I totally predicted that shit when I bought him his house there. I went to the local cookie shop on the corner (cookies are HUGE in Utah) and saw every Utah hipster I ever knew including my main competitor when I was in the concert biz. He looked as shady as ever hovering over his chocolate chip cookie like everyone was trying to steal it. What a douche.
I let some sexy lady girl take my moped for a ride and she drove it in and out of shops and everyone was mad at me because I'm the one who let her ride it. Mostly they were mad because a sexy lady girl was paying attention to me instead of them. Plus I was funny and they were uptight.
Since she was having so much fun on my moped I took a cab back to SF and asked the dude to drop me off at my favorite taqueria, I had only been gone for like less than a day but I didn't recognize the neighborhood at all. Talk about sketchy, I got out of the cab and he made me hand him the money like we were doing a drug deal. i pretty sure he ripped me off five bucks. I walked around acting all confident like I was on crack and had a gun in my pocket, you know, to blend in -- but holy fuck, Crimesville USA, I just wanted to get the fuck out of that shithole so I got on the electric bus and drove through the black people mall. Yeah, I said BLACK PEOPLE and yes the neighborhood was SHIT --- NEWSFLASH - BLACK PEOPLE LIVE IN SHITTY NEIGHBORHOODS! OMG!! CUTTING EDGE REPORTING HERE.
Also, girls are crappy at riding motorcycles.
That's all for now.
Don't get caught Injecting Skankers with Skank Juice,
Your Least of Your Worries,
Britney Spears' Brand New Fetus
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