I visited a nudist colony yesterday, not on purpose, I was with someone else who knew one of the top nakeds. Like most nudist colonies, most of the patrons were not exactly eye candy, more like eye jerky or eye sack of wet toilet paper, anyway, everyone was awfully friendly. I hung out in the kitchen and remained fully dressed despite all the gentle nudging to get me out of my suit.
Standing by the sink was a kid, well, maybe not a kid, he was short anyway, I think he had that disease that kids get that makes them look old, I seem to run into a lot of those, anyway, he had bright orange hair, was slightly balding and he was oogling a naked 13 year old girl in the other room wondering how he could get her attention.
"Hey, you think I should show that girl my boner?" he asked.
"Uh, maybe not, I don't think girls are really interested in boners unless they are attached to someone they already like, even then, I'm not sure they like being surprised." I said.
"Yeah but this is a nudist colony." he said.
"Hmmmm, why did I always think that boners were kinda bad game at the nude camp?"
"I'm gonna show her my boner." He said as he scooted up against the wall so that only his boner was poked out beyond the edge. He climbed up on a chair which made the floating boner appear to be attached to a 7 foot tall man. "Is she looking? Is she looking?"
"Uh yeah, and she just rolled her eyes dude, I told you it wouldn't work."
My friend completed whatever business he had so we decided to leave. When we went outside I realized I had left my bag with all my expensive photo and video gear just sitting on the curb. I was mortified that it could have been stolen. I had the urge to blame my friend but he had nothing to do with it so I just quietly resented him to make myself feel better. I threw my bag on top of the van and ran back into the house to make sure I didn't leave anything else behind. When I returned my friend was talking to a naked old woman who was pointing her long boney finger into his chest.
"Where did you park the van?" I asked.
"Oh shit, it was right there a second ago."
"You left the keys in it?"
"Crap."
My resentment found it's worthy target, I musta been pre-resenting or presenting or presentmenting fine, you make up the word.
We took off running down the street, every time I'd reach an intersection I'd see the van turning the next corner. I'm a fast runner. WAY FAST.
But not fast enough, I didn't find my stuff.
But I did have sex with a russian girl. So there's that. I think she knew the dude who stole the van.
Russians.
Her vagina was scratchy.
Later on I found a bag of moldy donuts and I threw them at people riding weird bikes.
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