I met a woman who lactates out of her tear ducts. I wanted to ask her if she had to be sad for her kid to get any lunch but I didn't want to hurt her feelings because it's not like I was gonna start licking her face if the milk turned on. Her kid wasn't anywhere around.
Anyway she started lactating anyway, maybe she sensed my insensitive puzzlement.
It all reminded me of a poem a hippie might write.
Later on I kept calling the band members of AC/DC Cheech and Chong which prompted an hours worth of them begging me to join their band. Famous rockstars like to be called Cheech and/or Chong.
Later still I met Maury Povich and kept calling him Cheech mainly to see how long it would take before he realized I was referencing his wife. Her name is Connie Chung for all you dipshits who don't keep up with important shit about America's most inspirational broadcasters.
Anyway, he didn't get the joke.
Dipshit.
I presented an award at the local version of the Oscars for San Francisco artists. I kept saying:
"My warehouse is bigger than your hard drive lady."
I said it like 50 times, not in a row though.
They all giggled and nodded pretending to "get it" even though I was saying it to make no sense. Artists all have to pretend to "get" everything because they are always running around accusing people that hate their crappy art of not "getting it".
Try it, it's a great joke to play on artists.
Any gibberish will do. The worse they are as artists, the more they will nod with glee and fake understanding.
Dipshits.
That's all for now.
Don't get caught calling your mom a dipshit because you're hungry.
Your Second Favorite Dipshit,
Harvey "Cheech" Korman
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