100 Wrong Rung Doorbells, My Italian Neighbor's Stinky Second Bases & Sulking To End Global Warming

There was a big house party at my house last night. All my friends showed up and rang the doorbells.

Yes that's plural.

I had a separate doorbell installed for each of my 100 top friends, they each have a distinctive ring so I know who is at the door, except

A) Nobody ever rings their own bell and

B) How the fuck am I supposed to memorize 100 different rings?

Stupid cell phones gave me the idea.

But yeah, I wasn't invited so I just stayed in my room watching all my friends having a great time in my house without me. I had a knot in my throat like I wanted to cry exactly like when I left my lunch money home in middle school and I thought I looked so stupid just sitting in the lunch room not eating while everyone else gorged themselves on Jello and sloppy joes.

My friend who had a massive stroke a few years ago was there dancing faggily as if nothing ever happened. He still looks like the worlds largest midget. I tried to be happy for him but I was too busy feeling sorry for myself and choking back tears. Holy gay.

An italian neighbor woman fell asleep in my bed.

She stunk.

Since most of my friends are famous folks like Tom Brokaw, paparazzi were trying to take pictures through my windows but I could hear them through the walls so I had a grand old time startling them and making them pee.

I was still sad though so don't go getting all overly happy for my one sliver of joy in a woodshed of dread.

Also there was a dog shaped like a fish and a peacock that looked like Ed Begley Jr. at the party.

I should have kicked them all out of my house but of course I was hoping they'd come find me sulking in my room and I could guilt them all into a deep dark freezing cold depression.

FREEZE!

RAH!

ahhhhh........aaaaaahhhhh aaaaaaaahhhhh.... AHHHHH

FREE BASE.

Speaking of ice and free and bases, I wanted to rub the neighbor woman's naked second bases but she really did stink,

Like goat cheese.

AKA vomit.

That's all for now.
Don't get caught second basing the lunch ladies.
Your Cutest Sounding Disease,
Rabies