I jumped out of a moving cab yesterday. It was doing 30 mph or so. I stumbled, tumbled and rolled a bit but didn't break any bones or bleed or anything gay like that. I definitely have stuntman potential.
Strangely, later on, my dad and I were joking about not having our cell phones with us for whatever reason, I mean talk about a humorous topic CELL PHONES? Get. Out. Anyway it was all fine and good until my dad climbed up the jungle gym to pretend that he was a cell phone tower. He lost his footing and came crashing down breaking his 70 year old leg all over the universe. He tried to keep the jokes going and good for him for that but shit, his leg was fucked.
In the waiting room at the hospital I accidentally took some dude's seat, when he returned from the bathroom all teary eyed he insisted that I keep the seat. But there was a catch, he got to use my lap as a pillow which wasn't awkward AT ALL. I fake nurtured him by stroking his hair because he was all crying and sad and I was trying to be understanding as if I'm actually a good person but really I kept thinking, I hope this isn't some creep who fakes sadness in hospital waiting rooms so he can get his face next to straight beardy wang. Then I checked to see if he had a boner because that would be the answer to that question and then I worried about how ironic it would be if I got a random completely unrelated boner and how then if he was legit and actually sad it would seem like it was ME who was the hospital room lap bandit.
Being charitable and kind is complicated when you factor in random boners.
Oh yeah, the waiting room was FILLED with cases and cases of booze and I helped myself. THANKS SICK PEOPLE :)
That's all for now.
Don't get caught thinking about awkward boner scenarios when dear old dad's leg is busted to shit.
Your Biggest Piece of Crap Waiting Room Magazine,
Better Homes & Gardens
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