I flew to Oakland yesterday, I call it JOKEland or Brokeland or Croakland because I'm good with words. I didn't wear a coat or pants fro the flight so the wind was pretty cold on my wang. I had an adopted miracle baby riding along on my back just for the hell of it, never quite figured out what the "miracle" was but he seemed to be a well behaved little fella. Guess I should mention we weren't in a plane. I told you I know how to fly right? Well I do, I'll give you a ride one day if you stop acting so entitled.
Of course yesterday in Oakland was Cartoon Takeover Day I'm sure you read all about it elsewhere. I was really good at avoiding being touched by The Cartoons because, as you know, that is how they turn you into a Cartoon too. I don't think it would be all that bad to be a Cartoon but since I'm no gambler and I like being a non-cartoon why chance it. Having only three fat fingers seems like it would be pretty gay.
As everyone divided into tribes according to their own cartoonness or non-cartoonness I went on to the stadium and looked around for the key, which of course I found lickety split under a bleacher in a slurpee cup. I really wanted to meet the owner of the stadium so I had a mutual aquaintence introduce us. Turns out he's a hot headed wall eyed drug dealer on the run and for some reason he was convinced I was a cop so he vowed to kill me which was a little bothersome so I hopped into the back seat of an awaiting town car and flipped him off through the rear window as he chased behind me running like a doofus all handcuffed n'shit. HA - DICK!
Anyway, so back at the stadium we all waited for The Cartoons to show up, paint thinner and giant erasers in hand, you know ambush style, everyone was pretty tense but convinced that we had the upper hand and it would be all cancelsville for The Cartoons, but then the stadium itself turned into a big undulating cartoon comprised entirely of really colorful cartoon worms and the rest is too stupid and widely available on the internet to bather getting into here. Pick up a newspaper for once.
I swear I don't take drugs.
That's all for now.
Don't get caught contemplating the eraser qualities of the tip of your weehoo.
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Gas Prices
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