Went to Southern California to visit a friend yesterday. He bought a new house and boy oh boy was it ever a doozie. Generally I am unimpressed when people go nuts spending millions of dollars on more and more stuff, increasing the size of their homes by building additions and tennis courts and such, but my friend really took the time to WASTE his money, and by that I mean by spending it on completely ridiculous things such as a money garden. Of course the money garden would be great if it actually grew money but that would require magic and magic doesn't exist now does it? No this was merely a garden made out of folded and glued hundred dollar bills, a couple million dollars worth at least. At first I wanted to take the line of thinking that he could have done something better with the money, like maybe buying a new fake leg for a gimp, but then again I liked the idea that he was really putting on display how unimportant money really is. After all it's just paper.
He also had a rotating bedroom, a bunch of fake caves and 15 or 20 family members living in huts around the property. None of it was really aesthetically pleasing but hey, can't blame a guy for trying.
the other thing interesting was that his huge mutli-million dollar estate was smack dab in the middle of one of the shittiest poorly kept neighborhoods I have ever seen. I always thought southern Cal was a desert but this neighborhood was covered with all kinds of mold and moss. Nobody had painted their houses in decades at least. The whole thing was in a state of decay.
"You know, that house would be perfect for a project I have wanted to do since I was a kid." I said to him as I pointed out a particularly decrepit mid-sized house with missing windows and shingles.
"Yeah what project is that?" he asked.
"I have always wanted to take an old house like that and build a green house, about twice the size of the original house, around it, you know to encase the house so that it never needs paint again, it just gets preserved just like it is, like putting it in a bottle. It would also be cool to build a quonset hut around it too but then nobody could see what an awesome idea it is."
"Well you should buy it. Those people are assholes."
"If I had to execute every idea I ever had I'd never have time to think of new ideas, why don't YOU buy it and do my idea."
"OK I will."
Then we went and he bought the house with a big pickle bottle full of money. I don't need no big projects.
I think ALL athletes should take steroids as much as they want. I think sports should be about freaks. I propose more drugs, more bionics and even weaponry be added to the list of things encouraged in sports. Bring on the freakshow is what I say. Boxing would be so much cooler if the audience could throw rocks and the blow torches were mandatory. Blow torches now are optional. That's lame.
Oh yeah, there was a dead person floating in my friends pool, I was gonna say something to him about it but I didn't want to be rude.
That's all for now.
Don't get caught trying to steal the fake wifi frogs from the real swamp.
Your Never Ending Boring Gay Joke,
Ryan Seacrest
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