December 19, 2007

Neighborly Late Night Macaroni Noises, Taking The Pillow Bridge to Sandwichville & The Multi Racial Polygamist Racists That Run General Motors

A really cute girl I have been flirting with lately moved in next door about a week ago. I never really realized how close my window is to what is now her window until she moved in. Since I already knew her before she moved in, I'm pretending that she chose that apartment largely in part due to the window placement being just inches from mine. We quickly got in the habit of leaving our windows open so that we could lay in bed and have conversations with each other. Her bed is literally like a foot from mine. It's almost like having a roommate except there is no feeling of having your personal space invaded. If I were romantic I'd describe the smell of her freshly washed hair and body breezing into my room but I'm not romantic so I will just cut to the chase.

Last night in the middle of the night we figured out that if we smashed our pillows right up against each other through the windows, it actually created a bridge strong enough to outstretch our bodies and actually share the same space. We spent a few minutes half in my house, half in hers, you know just testing out our little pillow bridge but then we figured out how easy it is for her to crawl out of her window and into mine in the middle of the night for some interesting activities that involve a little nudity and macaroni and cheese noises. So that's what we did.

She has a tattoo on her neck that smells like caramel.

After we were done on my side of the pillow bridge we crawled back through the window into her bed and she popped a porn dvd in the computer. At first I was like,"oh, ok, nothin wrong with a little late night porn." But then I realized that the girls in the porn were her and another girl that I recently photographed. It was kinda surprising but not nearly as surprising as my reaction which ranked somewhere between jealousy and a feeling of abandonment. I couldn't quite determine where my wussy reaction was coming from. Then I realized that it was because nobody invited me to the party where they made the porn. Had I BEEN invited It might've been different. She tried to tell me that they made it especially for me but I didn't believe her until she called a shiny asian roommate of hers into the room and we did sandwichy type junk til THEY both got jealous of EACH OTHER -- see how I turn that shit around? I know what the fuck I'm doing. Ok, I had nothing to do with it, bitches are territorial motherfuckers.

Not sure why, but I think I have a crush on girl I recently photographed now that I have seen her doing porn, leftover Mormon Oppression Over Correction Syndrome I bet

Anyway, all was all interrupted when an old friend of mine from Utah showed up looking for his shiny asian cousin who lived next door on the other side. I quickly put 2 and 2 together and realized that his cousin was the baloney in the sandwich I just mentioned so I kept real quiet about it and changed the subject real quick like.

I herded my friend back into his car and he insisted that I get in it with him. I thought for sure he was gonna bust me about doing naked stuff with his shiny asian cousin but instead we just drove to the big General Motors headquarters in Oakland where his polygamist family were in charge of everything and discussing the recent news that his negro cousin was accused of murder and of course everyone was shaking their heads at the "coincidence" it was the only negro family member of the family that was ever accused of a crime and the worst part is that they all believed he did it, you know on the account of him bein negro, duh. Just kidding, How could I ascertain that info from a couple dozen wagging heads? BECAUSE ALL WHITES BELIEVE IT WHEN BLACKS ARE ACCUSED OF CRIME THAT'S WHY. Just kidding.

That's all for now.
Don't get caught saying "just kidding" after totally true shit to absolve yourself of all responsibility.
Your Favorite YouTube Search Query
Masturbating Animal

No comments: