Judging By The Douche Riding It, It Might Have Been A Bidet Motorcycle, Drunk In Sunday School & Stretchy Nipples and Orphans on Good Morning America

I saw a motorcycle yesterday that looked like a toilet, not like a funny toilet joke bike, but kind of an accidental toilet. I suppose most of it was because it was all white, and you know how new crotch rocket style bikes are all smooth and lumpy, you know, kinda like the profile of your toilet bowl, well this one just went a little further. It's not a really bad idea really. Toilets are useful. But I did want to flush it. The douchebag riding it probably didn't think it looked like a toilet. He looked like he thought it was really cooool.

I sometimes go back to church to kinda fuck with the system, you know, cuz churches aren't really too adept at kicking people out that want to come especially if they are like me and pretend that they really want to be there. Seems like a lot of people go to church for that reason these days. As they were holding elections for the new sunday school president, a bunch of us hooligans hung out in the back taking swigs out of our flasks as we mocked the elections and basically just threw in a wrench wherever we thought there needed to be one. The woman in charge, who was unfortunately not all too different in appearance from The Church Lady was getting impatient with us but you could see that she believed that the lord was testing her so she grinned and bore it whenever we fucked with her.

The new church organs have all kinds of cool beats and vintage synth sounds. I created some pretty sick jams. The congregation pretended not to like them but I know in their head they were thinking "Ah yeah, dis is da SHIT rightch hurr!". White people think with bad black voice when they hear sick beats. It's a fact.

Later on a super coked out girl wearing a transparent bikini was trying to get me to have sex with her but her coked outness was really unattractive, plus we were standing around with a bunch of orphans that Meredith Viera was interviewing for Good Morning America. Well, actually, that's the part that made me consider doing it because how cool would that be for america to see early in the morning, let alone the orphans.

Anyway she had super stretchy nipples, like gum almost.

Oh yeah, I lost my shoes again and it wasn't because I was drunk. I think someone is stealing them.

I'm going to pee on a motorcycle now.

That's all for now.
Don't get caught singing to orphans about transparent underpants even though the words "transparent underpants" sound so musical together.
Your Third Favorite Cast Member of Friends,
Ross