Where Crappy Films are Crapped, The Ass in The Glass & If He Were an Actual Muppet I Might Like Him

I had a meeting down at Crap Films Unlimited Movie Studio. The meeting was so boring I've nearly deleted it from memory and the tour around the place was no big surprise, just what you'd expect, tons of crap filmmakers making crap films. I don't think mass production is suited for things like film.

Anyway, in the office I inadvertently sat on a glass table and when I stood up to leave I noticed that there was an exact impression of my ass on the glass. At first I just thought that my ass musta just been hot and steamy and that the image would quickly evaporate. You know, like when you put your hand on a cold window there is an imprint of your hand made of fog. That's what it looked like at first, but when I looked closer I could see that it was actually very very detailed, I could see my butthole and my wang as clear as day. I could even see the contents of my pockets, gum, keys, credit cards, spare fingers etc.. It was as if the type of glass could make a perfect x-ray hologram of anything with which it came into contact. Or maybe I farted some strange chemical that enabled the phenomenon. I could even see the light on my phone blinking. How the hell did it do that? It could record impressions linearly? Like a movie? A holographic X-Ray movie? This was an amazing discovery.

Not wanting anyone else to capitalize on my discovery, I discreetly lifted out the glass and slid it into my three ring binder so I could go out in the sun and take a second look.

In the sun there were even more details. Depending on the angle at which it was held, I could clearly see bones, veins, muscle tissue and even the gun I was carrying. If I squinted really hard I could even see the individual pulsating cells around my peehole.

I went back into the office of the film studio president.

"You wanna make a movie that will change the whole industry? Well, I got your movie right here. All we need Is one large sheet of this glass upon which we will place all the action, it will record it all and we can reproduce them as windows. Mutli-dimensional holographic "experiences" that are completely different depending on the position of the sun. One 20 minute film could replace an entire college curriculum. Art, Science, Biology, everything contained in one sheet of glass and I have the patent. Think about it."

I told him my email address then made a quick dramatic exit.

In the lobby, there was Tom Waits singing;

I got one billion boogers in my pocket
I got two dozen mice for a hat,
fingerless meat is not meat if you dream it
but nobody cares about that...

I got one billion boogers in my pocket....

Wait, maybe it was Fozzy Bear