Sleepin in The Kitchen, Sasquatch Looks Cute All Shaved Up & The End of The World is a Good Excuse

What's the best part of having a bed in the kitchen you ask? What's not the best part? That's the better question. Every time I use that bed I wonder why I even have bedrooms at all. Especially because the more bedrooms you have, the more people drop by to use them, including people you don't particularly want to stop by, for instance Al Gore.

I don't really have anything against the guy. I mean it's kinda funny how when he lost out on homecoming king to the kid from special ed, he gained 400 pounds, turned into sasquatch and cried non-stop for a hundred years. I like to think that one day Tipper waddled across the pond and said "Knock it of Albert, it ain't the end of the world." and then *DING* Al lifted his head out of the dirt and said "Ahhh, but what if it was?" and then of course he made that "end of the world" movie to make himself feel better about being such a loser. Totally makes sense to me.

So yeah, when he showed up at my front door I was a little worried that he was going to whine about this, moan about that, try to turn me vegan and make me wear shoes made out of recycled french fry dust etc.... but much to my pleasant surprise, Albert was a great conversationalist. Or at least I think he was, I'm a bad listener, but he did seem rather jokey and self effacing and his body language was goofy and vulnerable and I remember he kept saying "everybody secretly hates me" which is something I say all the time too. I like it when a person knows that they are full of shit, it's the best evidence of intelligence and he had that. Adorable little fella really.

I like sad smiling faces.

I went and put new sheets on the bed in the guest bedroom, but by the time I returned to the living room Al was all curled up, cute as a button on the sofa sawing logs in his 1998ish pinstripe suit. I got a big yellow blanket and covered him up, moved his head out of his drool spot and onto the pillow so he wouldn't wake up with a fucked neck, I turned on the lamp in the other room in case he woke up and needed to pee then I went itno the kitchen, crawled in bed and made some macaroni and cheese.