So good news, the Umbrellacopter project is still alive and well. Arnold Schwarzenegger personally showed me a working model last night. In fact he allowed me into the virtual history program so now I have officially attended every single meeting of it's development going way back to the Mary Poppins era. Bet you didn't know that all big military projects start as plastic toys. They actually hide working models in the toy stores. The kids that can figure out how to use them are recruited. I probably shouldn't be telling you this.
There were lots of secret programs Arnold let me see. For example, did you know that the reason why the new bay bridge will be so stable is because it's pylons were designed to mimic the foot movements of top athletes? Yeah, gone are the days when the pylons are driven deep into the ground, certainly it's easier to knock over the athlete with his shoes glued to the floor, but give him room to catch his balance and a little thing like an earthquake ain't gonna move him nowheres nohows. You have to see it to believe it. Think of those giant walking things in Star Wars with a lot more agility and balance and you get the picture. I'm a little worried about the pitch of the off ramps though. I doubt all car manufacturers will begin adding wheels to the roofs of all automobiles just to accommodate nearly vertical slopes. Seems unnecessary.
I decided to walk home from the airport but not before I stopped into one of their college courses they now offer. Looks like I was a little late to the party though, every single person I knew was already there in class, if you could call it class, It was more like an exclusive meeting of the hair-dos, it was a party really, everyone had the best hair ever, really weird experimental hair too. I can really throw my support behind stuff like that. My younger brother didn't want to sit next to me though, who could blame him? I wouldn't want to sit next to my older brother if I had one.
All day, the newscasters and filmmakers were stopping to have their pictures taken with me, I really doubt any of them knew who I was, people really just err on the side of caution with my appearance, like what if I actually was famous? They'd feel pretty stupid if they had the chance to take a picture and they didn't. The best one was with the dudes that do South Park, they had no idea who I was but I could hear both of them lying to the other one about how they were my friend and had worked with me on this or that.
After all the interviews and the long walk home I really needed to pee so I stopped off at a childhood friend's house. The guy's dad was a dentist so all of his toilets looked like the spit and rinse bowls next to the dentist chair. When I peed my belt got in front of the pee stream and sprayed pee all over the dental equipment. I used dental bibs to try to clean it up the best I could. Still I left a note reminding him to boil everything before using them in someone's mouth. I also left good advice about not putting his dental equipment in the bathroom.
I never did quite figure out what I had done with my shoes. I think maybe I gave them to the newscaster with an encyclopedia for a brain. Literally the dude knew EVERYTHING, even though he seems like such a dolt on TV. Whatever, I didn't really like those tennis shoes, they looked fine with socks but without them they looked way too girly. Then again, what shoes don't?
So yeah, I spent the whole day finding that perfect balance of getting noticed, observing and fitting in while not getting in the way.
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