I made out with a girl with a really round face.
It felt like I was making out with a clock.
She had some dude friends that I had to pretend to like. Before you get all indignant, you probably don't enjoy the douchey dude chit chat any more than I do. They wanted to talk about sports, I tried to talk about sports bloopers but it sounded like:
"and then the dude slipped on his butt and then the ball hit him in THE BALLS!!"
Sports bloopers are better seen than described and it doesn't quite qualify as sports talk anyway.
I bet gay dudes like sports bloopers enough to talk about them. I prefer the gays for such reasons.
Anyway, I gave it a good effort, but when they left the room and came back dressed like me I knew I was headed straight to MurderMeWithDranoFiveThousandTimes Town.
Of course I'm exaggerating, they were fine fellows. Actually, we became best friends immediately. They grew beards, put on sunglasses and we hit the TOWN Man! Was it ever FUN! Girls weren't talking to us, we were driving around in a SWEET VW bug. I bragged about the time I went all the way to New York in the back seat of a VW bug. They asked me "how many of them chicks do I bang"...
THEY ASKED GREAT QUESTIONS!
MY STORIES WERE FANTASTIC!
TIME DIDN'T CRAWL AT REVERSE DEAD TURTLE SPEED AT ALL!!
I LOVE DUDES!!!
Ok, would it be rude to mention on my international blog that they both had sorta iffy skin? I think they both probably read my blog. All cool dudes with questionable skin LOVE MY BLOG!
HI GUYS, THAT WAS A BLAST! GOOD LUCK WITH THE SKIN!
Oh yeah, another awesome thing about hanging out with ClockFace's dude friends was that LUCKILY, my clothes were WAY TOO SMALL!! YES I AM YELLING, IT'S THAT EXCITING! I LOVE TO BE STRANGLED BY MY OUTFIT! BOA CONSTRICTOR CLOTHES ARE COOL! Oh yeah, and my shirt was a Hawaiian shirt and I LOVE Hawaiian shirts. Too bad I didn't have a parrot.
Jimmy Buffet is SOOOOOO GREAT! I wish HE was my best dude friend.
JIMMY BUFFET PROBABLY HAS A PT CRUISER!!!
SARCASM IN ALL CAPS MAKES EVERYTHING TEN TIMES AS FUNNY!
WAIT, JIMMY BUFFET PROBABLY DOES HAVE A PT CRUISER!!
HOW IS THAT SARCASTIC!?
Last thing about Dude's Night Out. The one dude, not the one one, but the other one, yeah that one, guess what.
HE ONLY HAD 2 DOLLAR BILLS WITH THE FACES CUT OUT. Talk about a conversation starter.
Wow, I'm really pooped from yelling so much.
Point is:
TYPING IN ALL CAPS WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS IS A GRUELING WORK OUT!!!
I AM IN SHAPE!!!
That's all for now.
Don't get caught intentionally sports bloopering cuz it doesn't count and everybody can tell...
Your Favorite Sexual Assaulter
Marv Albert
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