Fixing The Blind Man's Boat, The Goop on The Poop, & After Hours at The Food Court

I was fixing a blind man's boat when a big wad of goop came rolling across the deck.

"Whut thuh" I said as I motioned to a seagull.

I thought it must be old varnish or maybe even a jellyfish. I sounded the alarms:

"Uh, doods, moving goop over here..."

Nobody gave a shit. Deck goop must be common to boaters. I wouldn't know, I don't know anything about boats. I was only helping cuz the guy was blind so how would he know if I did a shitty job?

I suppose if he drowned he would know. He'd probably be better off anyway, blind people are creepy.

Maybe it was ham jelly.

OR NO, ew gross, maybe it was that blind person eye goop. BARF.

Anyway, the eye goop schlubbed around the deck like it was looking for something. Suddenly it bee-lined for the corner, eye goop can bee-line. I admit the next part sounds made up but I SWEAR ON A STACK OF BUBBLES the eye goop was headed for a pile of poop.

"The goop is getting with the poop!" I mrntioned to the others.

Of course THAT got their attention.

So we all sat around watching this big ball of eye goop have it's way with a pile of poop.

It kinda made me sad because it made me think of Anna Nicole.

Also, I have no idea who's poop it was. But I have my suspicions.

THIS LIFE CAN BE YOURS!!! SET SOME GOALS PEOPLE!!!

Later on I went to dinner with some friends of friends. They have an "after hours club" in the food court at The Mall. The bulk of the crowd were Mormons so when I asked for a drink I instead got well wishes and invitations to "get my crap together man". I grew up Mormon so I knew the speech and wasn't having it. Instead I turned the tables and gave a really inspirational sermon on the virtues of being wasted.

I had graphs.

There was another ex-Mormon there too. He was wearing a missionary placard with swear words on it and each time I made a killer point he'd point a laser pointer at one of the other missionaries and he'd go "pew pew pew"

Needless to say, he was an embarrassment to ex-mormons everywhere.

"Pew pew pew" was NEVER funny and certainly NOT CUTE, not even when nerd girls do it.

OH LOOK WHO'S GIVIN FUNNY LESSONS, MR. GOOP ON POOP!!!

Anyway,

Point is:
Tell your own fuckin' story then.

That's all for now.
Don't get caught slipping in the term "bee lined" as a sneaky joke about the roaming eye goop of the "B" "LIND".
Your Favorite Thing Besides Blind People Eye Goop,
Deaf People Dancing