Mud bowl rodeos are barbaric, not that I'm against them or anything, I think it's best to keep barbarians properly supervised so they don't sneak into our homes to saddle up grampa or hog tie the kids. But still I think there oughtta be a few more reasonable regulations. For instance, I'm not so sure the whole bait donkey concept is such a good idea anymore.
If you have never been to a mud bowl rodeo, a bait donkey isn't always a donkey, sometimes it's a very old german shepherd, sometimes a wild hog, a baby moose or a seal deer, sometimes its all of those things at once. No matter what form it takes, the job is the same. A bait donkey is tied on a short chain on a slippery slope right next to the mud bowl/bull ring just barely out of/within reach of the shark bulls. If you have never seen a shark bull, It's just what it sounds like, half shark, half bull, body of a raging bull, teeth and appetite of a great white shark, pretty ruthless to say the least. The bait donkey acts as a distraction to the starving shark bulls who, as cowboys are stabbing, lighting them on fire and otherwise infuriating them, in turn gnash their teeth at the legs and otherwise try to eat the bait donkeys in what appears to be a demonstration of the natural phenomenon of shit rolling down hill. The bait donkeys struggle to keep a good footing on the muddy slope and not slide into the bloody mouths of the shark bulls, but often their back legs are snagged and bitten off. When this happens, as much as one might feel for the poor bait donkey and hope for it's survival, sentient creatures like myself often end up hoping for a quick death and speedy end to their misery.
Trouble is, this doesn't happen, the bait donkeys are just left there, slightly out of reach, to suffer and bleed as the shark bulls rip little morsels of flesh from their hind limbs as the audience screams in delight.
But it gets worse. What many people don't know is that in recent years, PETA and other animal rights organizations have come down so hard on mud bowl rodeos and the specifically the use of bait donkeys that now, instead of using actual donkeys, dogs or hogs, they now use under privileged and at risk youth dressed up as bait donkeys instead. Apparently it's all legal and PETA endorsed. One would never know any of this by watching the show because the costumes are very very realistic, It's only when one gets access to back stage and the dressing rooms that the horror actually unfolds.
Last night I met an actual bait donkey. She was a young girl from a crappy town in nevada with messed up dirty blonde hair and a meth toothed grin. She just finished putting on her post show ball gown when I made my introduction.
"So you were the bait donkey tonight?"
"Yup, that's me." she said as she covered her smile with her bandaged hand.
"I really thought you were a goner a couple of times when that shark bull had your back leg in his mouth."
"Ha ha, yeah, people love that part of the show." she said as she reached down and popped off her crudely fashioned artificial leg revealing an infected stump. "I lost that leg months ago, now before every show we attach a pigs leg to to my nub to make the show more exciting for the fans. Under the costume nobody can tell. Plus the shark bulls gotta eat, right?"
I could see in her pinkish, glassy eyes that her momentary feeling of victory and ingenuity was overshadowed by the glaring fact that within weeks, perhaps days, she would meet the same bloody fate as every bait donkey before her. I knew she wouldn't listen to me if I tried to preach to her about life and possibilities and If I tried to openly stage an intervention I'd surely feel the wrath of a herd of angry cowboys and the sanctimonius PETA activists who brokered the poor kids for donkeys deal. Instead I scribbled my name and number on a napkin and handed it to her.
"I'm having a party at my house on saturday night, lots of cool girls are gonna be there, you should come." I said.
"Ooh cool. Let's hope I'm not ate up by then!" she said with the smiling eyes of a comedian on death row.
Even if she ain't ate up by then, meth heads are pretty flakey, so I'm not counting on it, but I hope she comes, she obviously needs new friends.
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