I built a monolithic cement deck in the back yard and Tom Cruise came over to check it out. He wasn't nearly as annoying as I expected him to be but his hair is still totally stupid. I thought he was gonna start yammering on about his dumb cult but luckily all he wanted to talk about were dogs which was a huge relief. I like talking about dogs, although he kept making sad attempts to one up my stories and everyone could tell. It was a little pathetic. He's no story teller.
I did my best to pay attention and seem interested but out of the corner of my eye I kept seeing something popping up over the trees. It was getting dark so I didn't know if it was a crazy branch or a UFO.
"...and so his little paws were all covered in paint and....."
"Excuse me Tom, did you see that?"
"See what?"
"Something keeps popping up over the top of that tree right there."
"It's these old victorians with the telescopic turrets." said Tom.
"Really? It didn't look like a telescopic turret."
Just then in the in the dark blue sky a brightly lit hang glider came flying up from behind the tree. It bolted straight into the air and paused where we could clearly see the asian hang glider, dressed in a sparkled silver jump suit get a nervous look on his face as he stalled and then began plummeting right before our eyes. He came down with a crash in the next door neighbor's yard smashing the fence. I ran over a quick as I could to see if he was hurt.
"You ok buddy? Anything broken?"
"AAAaaahhhh ooooooooooohh ooowww oh eeeh oooooooch"
"Don't move, stay still."
"My bars, my bars, my bars all clushed."
"Oooh yeah, your balls ARE crushed don't tug on them like that."
Why do asians invert their L's and R's? Dummies.
Tom Cruise was nowhere to be found, fair weather friend. All the neighbors came out into their back yards and we all watched as the asian man held his broken balls while swearing in whatever language he spoke and refusing any kind of assistance. It wasn't long before the rest of the silver asian hang gliders all swooped in to retrieve and mock him. Poor dood got his balls busted twice.
Tom Cruise left his shoes on the deck. They were super tiny car salesman loafers with stupid looking tassles, figgers.
I tried to get the neighbors to help me get rid of some of the picnic tables in the back yard but nobody helped. I don't need 50 picnic tables. What was I thinking? And all the desks? Seemed like a good idea the time. Even though a friend of mine stripped nude and was doing her best to show me all the sexy poses available on an old school desk, I still felt like the whole thing was a little forced and unnecessary. School girl porn is so cliché. May as well dress up like a nurse. WOW INNOVATIVE!
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