The Dented Meathead, Way Too Much Jizz and The Elderly Homo Cylops

Some fucking oafish douchebag followed me to the payphone at the restaurant last night. During my call he kept grunting and moaning as if I had been there on the phone forever and he was waiting to hear about a heart transplant, like his call was way more urgent than mine. He kept staring at me and making remarks about billions of years passing until I'd be off the phone. The guy was a real asshole. I could tell he felt invincible, it was obvious that he was there having dinner with the World Federation Wrestlers who had a table about 20 feet away. He had a giant meaty head with an orange goatee. His kick ass facial expression was enhanced by oh maybe 20 miller genuine drafts. The more he pissed and moaned and tried to intimidate me into hanging up, the more my conversation loudly turned to more mundane chit chat:

"So what's that cat doing Right now? You can't see him anywhere? Go find him, I want to know what the cat is doing. That cat is sooo cute. I can wait. Have you talked to grandma lately?...."

And on and on I went provoking this meathead to the point of violence. Why I'd want to provoke a neanderthal 20 times my size is beyond me. I think it has something to do with intelligence and having a plan. You see, the phone receiver I was holding was made out of lead and if 10000 pound Howdy Doody made any moves at me, he was gonna get clobbered.

And that's exactly what happend 2 seconds later.

"Listen you little twit, Daddy needs the fucken phone" he bellowed.

Clunk -- I thwopped him on his forehead with the 20 pound receiver making an exact, 2 inch deep impression of the phone in his forehead. His eyes glazed over like he was gonna cry and he slowly turned around and went back to his table where he sat sulking and covering up the dent with his big fat hand. What a loser. I admit that I felt sorry for him.

I saw this girl I've known for a few years out in the parking lot, she always tries to make out with me but I never have because she is too young. Anyway, I won't go into details but we ended up having sex all over the place and it was pretty awesome even though the sprinklers kept coming on. There was way too much semen however, like pints and pints. I may need to go see the doctor.

Back at the office it was the managers last day. He's a total douchebag so everyone was glad he was leaving. He took eight billion years to pack up all his crap. People kept stopping by to say good luck and what not but as they'd turn away from him they'd roll their eyes and do the jack off sign language with their hands. The slick haired dude who was next in line for his job walked around all day with a new strut. He had lots of gel in his hair. It's always good to make a good impression.

Two elderly homos were in an emotional embrace in the hallway, apparently they hadn't seen each other for a long time and both were living as straights. Their wives were standing there pointing with stressed out looks on their faces demanding answers but the two fags just rocked back and forth hugging and crying as if they were the only two people on earth. The older one I noticed later was a cyclops.