I took a trip back to BYU with my new friend Tracy Morgan, yeah the funny black dude from 30 rock and SNL. We had taco salads in the cafeteria and I noticed that I was adopting his hyper negro speech patterns. I really don't like it when white people talk like black people but you try hanging out with him. Anyway, I told him I was sorry and that I couldn't help it. He blew it off like he didn't care but just to make sure I started talking like a fag instead. He cared about that. He didn't like it. He thought I was making fun of him. I wasn't.
Blacks are scared of gays. Like I needed to tell you.
Anyway, at BYU we saw the famous father son team of bearded Mormon professors who drank coffee and other caffeinated drinks but insisted that they were good Mormons. Such rebels. It made me sad. Gay.
When we left the cafeteria we realized it was universal retro future day, which of course is the day that the whole universe is made over to look like the retro version of the future. It was pretty cool, although one of the cars I noticed was the Datsun 200sx my mom had as a kid. I suppose it fit the theme ok. I drove that car to my first boob touching experience which was also at BYU, but that's another story.
We ended the day making prank phone calls to radio stations with my friend who owns my favorite art gallery. Actually he did all the pranking. Tracy Morgan was still pissed at me acting Homo even though I only did it for like 30 minutes. I didn't have the heart to break in with some of my own pranks because it comes so naturally to me it would be unfair. I'm really THAT good. I'm not kidding.
That's all for now.
Don't get caught taking a vacation when your whole life is basically a vacation.
Your Favorite Fake Santa Claus You Wish Would Come To The House,
Chris Farley
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