Notwithstanding the fact that I'm decidedly land based, I made a big floating contraption out of a super comfortable big white La-Z-Boy recliner and rocked that shit all up and down the coastline.
You might think that merely using my hands to paddle would make for a sludgy float, but that's only because you have never seen my webbed fingers nor have you ever seen me point my feet into the exact same shape as a shiny dolphin.
Anyway, carrying the chair all over town SUCKED, I shouldda included wheels and a flock of poodles to drag me home.
And guess what, I finally dropped out of high school and I'm not gonna go to college either.
I'm 41
Speaking of which, one of the girls from my 111??? book was acting bitchy yesterday. She thinks she is pretty hot shit because she has this huge collection of Charles Shultz crap.
An adult collecting toys is about as cute as a diaper collecting poop.
Later on I noticed that my left ball was nubbing out of my pocket as I told a story about a dude in my neighborhood growing up who's chubbed up ding dong could ALWAYS be seen flopping round through the holes in his corduroys.
Ew.
His name was Mayne Wargetts and as legend has it was known to hump sheep. FOR REALS. I hope he googles himself and finds this.
Don't say I never ironic unwelcome ball sighting anecdoted you.
Summary:
Polished dolphins make lazy seamen.
School is for dummies.
Be careful what you horrify for cuz your ball just might be it.
That's all for now.
Don't get caught swapping the M and the W as to not get Google sued by a gross molestoid.
Your Favorite Conjugation Relating To Internet Lawsuits,
Soogled™
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