I was hanging out with a bunch of fools yesterday and there was a baby in our midst.
The baby liked me best out of everyone.
IN YOUR FACE A-HOLES!
One of the fools was a weird old uncle fella who was sleeping in the closet which you'd think wouldn't make him tough competition really, but, he WAS at ground level and slobbery with a stink in his pants and you know what they say about birds of a feather...
and still the kid chose me.
Meanwhile, the Aunt was wearing really thick glasses that looked like headlights which sounds like just a nifty little way to describe big ugly old lady glasses except these things actually lit up and beamed just like headlights.
Still she couldn't find the light switch.
I couldn't figger out why she needed to.
I wanna get me some of them glasses.
Anyway, I gave the baby ice cream but only AFTER it liked me best.
I could see it gain weight right before my eyes, like filling up one of those pastry nozzle tube dealies with frosting.
I didn't stick around for the "decoration of the cake" if you know what I mean.
Summary:
Babies are peanut butter dispensers.
Old people are stretched out babies.
That's all for now.
Don't get caught metamorphoring into some kind of weird aerosol cheese craving.
Your Ambassador of Good Dill,
The Vlassic Stork
No comments:
Post a Comment