Crashing Cars, A Bouncing Ball, and The Biggest Bathroom Pick-Up Scene Around

There are some really stupid things that happen with the law here in my town. For example, if you get caught speeding up on the hill that has the giant overpass, the cops give you a choice, you can either pay the 700 dollar ticket or you can surrender your car to them and they will hoist it up the side of the overpass, you know, that long steep pitched part that is all concrete that goes up the side of the hill underneath an overpass, well yeah, they'll winch it up there and when it gets to the top, they'll let you push the release button sending your car sliding down the side only to crash into the road below. It's pretty cool to watch, in a Dukes of Hazzard sort of way, everyone seemed to be doing it -- I mean -- shit, the tickets are like 700 bucks and this shit is free, you get to watch Cadillacs, buses, station wagons, all sliding down a steep embankment and warping and damaging them beyond repair. Seems like a good deal.

Speaking of hills, I found a 2 inch ball of Silly Putty when I was walking around with one of my best friends Kevin Golding. He recently suffered a major stroke and is currently confined to a hospital bed in a somewhat vegetative state so it was nice to see him walking around as if nothing had ever happened. We were at the top of a big hill, which reminded me of the avenues of SLC or telegraph hill in SF. I was very happy to have found this ball of putty because, since I was hanging out with Golding, I had decided to dress up in somewhat of a greaser's attire and a bouncy ball to play with was just what I needed to complete the look. You know, like how Rocky Balboa used to have a little bouncy ball when he trained. Anyway, it was a good idea for the outfit but the temptation to bounce it all the way down the long steep road was very intense and proved to be a little too much. There is nothing like watching a ball bounce all the way down what may be the longest steepest street in history. -- All I had to do was aim it right down the center line of the road running down the hill so that it wouldn't veer off track and get stuck in any bushes or go down any sewer drains and I'd be fine. I was very deliberate with my aim, I gave it a very calculated overhand toss and off bouncing it went. Since I was given the amazing out of body ability to track anything I released with an overhead eagle eye view, it was fun watching the ball bounce all the way down the longest street in the world. Like an eagle I tracked it's path and it was amazing -- well, at least for the few blocks it bounced anyway, It quickly got stuck in a bunch of bushes. Since my eagle vision was only eagle VISION and not eagle tallons with which I could retrieve something like a ball of silly putty out of a bush, Kevin and I were pretty disappointed. I should have just kept it as a prop -- Silly Putty is rad.

I was late for my bus, something important enough that they'd actually hold the whole thing up for me, charitable work I was doing, I mean, I had a clipboard and we all know that only good salt of the earth people carry clipboards. I'm really a nice guy. Anyway, when I boarded the old 1940s era city bus, the rest of the passengers patronizingly applauded me and I wandered through the various dimly lit, wood paneled hallways on the bus looking for my metal seat. It was a mighty big fucking bus, there were like five or six hallways. Truthfully, it was more like horse stables or an old Hollywood set of like maybe a fancy train that had seen it's best years long long ago. It was a long bus ride. The driver took corners a little to fast if you ask me. Where we were going was of no importance, but we were certainly all going there together -- definitely a team mission. Everyone was dressed like it was the old days.

Eventually I needed to pee and I had in mind just the right bathroom in just the right part of town. It was a coed bathroom, I mean both men and women used it, but it was in a section of town that was dominated by sexy rocker women. It was quite the spectacle of a bathroom. It appeared to be an old remodeled theater from the twenties -- yeah, the WHOLE THING was made into a bathroom, you can see why it merited pulling over the entire bus and going out of our way to get there. Like I said, the cool part was that there were basically no dudes in that part of town and the women used the bathroom to pick up on the few men who did pass through. There were rules too. Only a certain amount of either sex were allowed to be in the bathroom at one time -- since there were very few men around there was no line for us, the women were stacked like twenty deep, lined up under the big old theater marquee marking the entrance outside. I went right in, right past the consiglier and although it wasn't exactly the cleanest bathroom, holy crap, what a bathroom it was. It was huge, walls and walls of urinals, some women were using the urinals apparently for the novelty of it. All the women were dressed like sexy rocker hipsters, hot pants, flowy silk blouses, fishnets, pokey up hair-dos, fingernails painted od colors, who knows, maybe they were all just expensive hookers. Being a bathroom I caught several glimpses of women in various states of disrobe, I'm not sure it's appropriate to be a little intrigued by a woman lfting up her skirt and pulling down her fishnets to sit on the toilet and it's not like I was gawking or anything -- I mean, you heard me, there were like a hundred and fifty stalls and none of the women seemed at all interested in closing the doors. I think they wanted me to look, it almost seemed as if they were all vying for my attention while pretending to just be going through the mundane act of peeing. It didn't occur to me that anyone would be pooping -- thank goodness -- I walked past a few rocker dudes that were surrounded by women and I'd pick up snippets of conversation which basically amounted to these women nearly begging the fairy looking dudes for some kind of sexual attention, since there were few dudes, the men were all able to play coy and act shy about the whole thing. Plus, I was really the only masculine man there, maybe the rest were fags, I certainly didn't get any "ain't we lucky" vibes from any of the dudes. It was great. Too bad a scene change happened right here.