So a diamond is just carbon placed under extremely high pressure right? Isn't everything made out of carbon? What about making diamond out of -- oh, say, a dead pet or loved one? Seems like they could make a counter top machine that could make anything into a diamond. You know, like a toaster. I know at least three people who would like a diamond made out of a turd.
Speaking of diamonds and turds, I must go on record as having NOTHING positive to say about Tyra Banks, but certain opinions have risen to neutral in recent days.
Turns out her aunt lives in Springville Utah and is good friends with a friend of mine. Tyra keeps a room and spends a significant portion of the summer there.
Long story shot, I was invited over for for a BBQ, Tyra was there. She gave me a tour of her attic bedroom. The ceilings were so low a person of average height could not even stand upright. Tyra painted the floors all girly, and while I wasn't impressed with the design I was impressed that she did it herself. I mean you gotta give her SOME credit for sleeping in a cramped attic all summer and painting her own room right?
Anyway, as things seem to go in my life, the people I like least, like me most. This licks ass. Why do people gotta rain on my hate parade with their long awkward hugs? Yeah, you heard me right, Tyra gave me a really long, really awkward hug. She even inhaled while putting her face in my neck. YES SHE WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH ME IN HER TINY ROOM. IMPOSSIBLE TO BELIEVE!
I didn't allow it to happen, I might have, but she had a really cute cousin there and I wanted to keep my options open. I make stupid mistakes like that ten times an hours so big deal.
Tyra also had a fake amputated leg with a seventies suede sneaker on it and she made that herself too. She gets a couple of points there. Right?
Also, did you know she is half Japanese? Well she is. Look at her bellybutton if you don't believe me.
Anyway, The whole time we were upstairs her aunt and some dude that looks like Jesse James were allowing a couple of traveling salesmen to give their pitch. They were saying all kinds of bullshit about hundreds of pounds of impacted fecal matter trying to sell everyone on some expensive counter top enema/rooter equipment. I shouted down some skeptically inspired Google search suggestions to the subjects of the pitch, but they REALLY wanted to believe the salesmen. I mean who DOESN'T want to believe you can lose 40 pounds of turd matter just by putting a hose up your butt?
Oh yeah, Tyra gave me 3 antique watches. Something tells me they are fake.
Point is:
If you're gonna be full of shit, why not sell a machine that deals with exactly THAT?
That's all for now.
Don't get caught name dropping Tyra Banks when it very well couldda been an unrelated half Japanese girl with loose stomach skin, since you really might'a been drunk at the time.
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