Got in a plane crash yesterday. We smashed right down into the water about mid flight. Luckily we weren't going fast enough to blow the plane up. The worst part was that the rescue plane crashed right into us instead of rescuing us. The main thing I remember are all the plastic plates falling off the shelves and the huge engine chunks flying towards us.
I never really realized how realistic the plane crash scenes are on LOST until it happened to me.
That show is SUPER realistic let me tell YOU.
Unfortunately the island we landed on was basically a big huge brazilian ghetto. It reminded me so much of my days as a Mormon missionary that I almost unwillingly snapped bak into preacher mode. Apparently I'm still really good at it because it wasn't long before they rolled out the bleachers all along the main street where I gave one hundred sermons in my own little one man parade.
Afterwards, a really sweet Brazilian girl tried to give me a hand job, which isn't something I'm totally against, except she was already giving a hand job to some dude with an uncircumcised dong the size of a can of beans.
She tried to get me to touch it. The wang, that is. I'll admit I was ever so slightly tempted, not because I'm homo but because I wanted to see if it was as squishy as it looked.
Science, people.
Sometimes ya gotta get your hands dirty.
There will be time for scientific wang touching some other time. I passed.
Later I practiced getting the language right with the in-laws.
I wasn't easy.
Point being:
People who don't swear are hiding something.
That's all for now,
Don't get caught saying you didn't touch it when you really did give it a little squeeze just to see.
Your Favorite Scientist,
Dr. DongTongs
March 17, 2009
March 02, 2009
Fat Old Wrinkled People Swimming and Chanting At The Bank, Oprah's Gigantic Goiter & The Bagel Truck Drove Into The Pool
It was ritual naked swim day at my bank yesterday. Had I known I probably wouldn't have gone, luckily I didn't know.
This might just be a San Francisco thing, you tell me. Does your bank have a huge swimming pool/baptismal font up on the balcony? Do old people flock in to get naked and crowd the pool droning and chanting religious bullcrap?
Fat Grampas and Grammas look interesting naked. One woman had some type of elephantitis of her legs, all her fat had slumped down around her feet. She was shaped like a hershey's kiss only skin colored with age spots. She looked like a melted candle. I could not see her feet because they were completely covered with the slumping fat. She moved more like a snail than anything else.
Anyway, a halfish type friend of mine was somehow involved in organizing the event. The dude with the curly mustache. I think the point was to somehow attempt to all at once cleanse people of sins while blessing them with wealth.
Maybe my bank is a Jewish temple.
It was a bunch of hooey.
Still fun to see a pool filled with naked old people hoping for big money through spiritual bullshit.
On the way out I saw Oprah. She is a zombie now, or at least she was for the event. She had major goiter, her neck was fatter than her head. Gale was there, no signs of any dykery to report. Sorry.
You'd think all that would be enough stimulus to keep me occupied but it wasn't so I hooked up the personal TV desk to watch the runaway bagel truck wreak havoc on the outdoor pool with a load of at least a billion bagels.
Soggy bagels and old Jews in a pool.
There is a theme here.
Point is:
Cash is Way More Useful Than Jesus.
That's all for now.
Don't get caught prolonging the holocaust by calling elderly Jewish people rich and soggy.
Your Most Fave Irish Rabbi With a Squishy Fat Eye,
Rabbi O'FlabbEye
This might just be a San Francisco thing, you tell me. Does your bank have a huge swimming pool/baptismal font up on the balcony? Do old people flock in to get naked and crowd the pool droning and chanting religious bullcrap?
Fat Grampas and Grammas look interesting naked. One woman had some type of elephantitis of her legs, all her fat had slumped down around her feet. She was shaped like a hershey's kiss only skin colored with age spots. She looked like a melted candle. I could not see her feet because they were completely covered with the slumping fat. She moved more like a snail than anything else.
Anyway, a halfish type friend of mine was somehow involved in organizing the event. The dude with the curly mustache. I think the point was to somehow attempt to all at once cleanse people of sins while blessing them with wealth.
Maybe my bank is a Jewish temple.
It was a bunch of hooey.
Still fun to see a pool filled with naked old people hoping for big money through spiritual bullshit.
On the way out I saw Oprah. She is a zombie now, or at least she was for the event. She had major goiter, her neck was fatter than her head. Gale was there, no signs of any dykery to report. Sorry.
You'd think all that would be enough stimulus to keep me occupied but it wasn't so I hooked up the personal TV desk to watch the runaway bagel truck wreak havoc on the outdoor pool with a load of at least a billion bagels.
Soggy bagels and old Jews in a pool.
There is a theme here.
Point is:
Cash is Way More Useful Than Jesus.
That's all for now.
Don't get caught prolonging the holocaust by calling elderly Jewish people rich and soggy.
Your Most Fave Irish Rabbi With a Squishy Fat Eye,
Rabbi O'FlabbEye
Fat Old Wrinkled People Swimming and Chanting At The Bank, Oprah's Gigantic Goiter & The Bagel Truck Drove Into The Pool
It was ritual naked swim day at my bank yesterday. Had I known I probably wouldn't have gone, luckily I didn't know.
This might just be a San Francisco thing, you tell me. Does your bank have a huge swimming pool/baptismal font up on the balcony? Do old people flock in to get naked and crowd the pool droning and chanting religious bullcrap?
Fat Grampas and Grammas look interesting naked. One woman had some type of elephantitis of her legs, all her fat had slumped down around her feet. She was shaped like a hershey's kiss only skin colored with age spots. She looked like a melted candle. I could not see her feet because they were completely covered with the slumping fat. She moved more like a snail than anything else.
Anyway, a halfish type friend of mine was somehow involved in organizing the event. The dude with the curly mustache. I think the point was to somehow attempt to all at once cleanse people of sins while blessing them with wealth.
Maybe it was a Jewish temple.
It was a bunch of hooey.
Still fun to see a pool filled with naked old people hoping for big money through spiritual bullshit.
On the way out I saw Oprah. She is a zombie now, or at least she was for the event. She had major goiter, her neck was fatter than her head. Gale was there, no signs of any dykery to report. Sorry.
You'd think all that would be enough stimulus to keep me occupied but it wasn't so I hooked up the personal TV desk to watch the runaway bagel truck wreak havoc on the outdoor pool with a load of at least a billion bagels.
Soggy bagels and old Jews in a pool.
There is a theme here.
Point is:
Cash is Way More Useful Than Jesus.
That's all for now.
Don't get caught prolonging the holocaust by calling elderly Jewish people rich and soggy.
Your Most Fave Irish Rabbi With a Squishy Fat Eye,
Rabbi O'FlabbEye
This might just be a San Francisco thing, you tell me. Does your bank have a huge swimming pool/baptismal font up on the balcony? Do old people flock in to get naked and crowd the pool droning and chanting religious bullcrap?
Fat Grampas and Grammas look interesting naked. One woman had some type of elephantitis of her legs, all her fat had slumped down around her feet. She was shaped like a hershey's kiss only skin colored with age spots. She looked like a melted candle. I could not see her feet because they were completely covered with the slumping fat. She moved more like a snail than anything else.
Anyway, a halfish type friend of mine was somehow involved in organizing the event. The dude with the curly mustache. I think the point was to somehow attempt to all at once cleanse people of sins while blessing them with wealth.
Maybe it was a Jewish temple.
It was a bunch of hooey.
Still fun to see a pool filled with naked old people hoping for big money through spiritual bullshit.
On the way out I saw Oprah. She is a zombie now, or at least she was for the event. She had major goiter, her neck was fatter than her head. Gale was there, no signs of any dykery to report. Sorry.
You'd think all that would be enough stimulus to keep me occupied but it wasn't so I hooked up the personal TV desk to watch the runaway bagel truck wreak havoc on the outdoor pool with a load of at least a billion bagels.
Soggy bagels and old Jews in a pool.
There is a theme here.
Point is:
Cash is Way More Useful Than Jesus.
That's all for now.
Don't get caught prolonging the holocaust by calling elderly Jewish people rich and soggy.
Your Most Fave Irish Rabbi With a Squishy Fat Eye,
Rabbi O'FlabbEye
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