I woke up with boobs.
It wasn't a very good boob job either. It wasn't all that painful but I could tell that the surgeon was in a hurry. I don't have any recollection of consenting to the new boobs, but you never know, when I get drunk I can sometimes go to awful great lengths to make a point. What point I was trying to make is anyone's guess.
As I walked down the street with folded arms, many cars full of pointy fingers passed:
"Hey look, that guy has boobs." they'd say. "More like a BOOB" another would say.
The boobs were way too close together -- mono-boob almost.
The whole thing felt like a dream, but every time I would tell myself that, I'd wake up and the boobs were still there still aching and feeling too tight.
One of the flaps of the upside down T incision below my left nipple, which was much larger than I remember it, had come loose and I was able to poke my finger in there and feel around. Every time the end of my finger touched the implant it would recoil like the head of a snail. It was actually kinda cute. I always thought snails were cute how they get all "ew don't touch me" when I'd touch one of their feelers. I'm glad I opted for the living tissue implants. It's a pretty new technology.
I did my best to stand nonchalantly. I figured out a pose in which I was kinda leaning over as to loosen my shirt, and that combined with my folded arms seemed like it would do a pretty good job of concealing my surprise boobs, only trouble was that the incisions were bleeding and leaking a lot of plasma. My shirt was covered in blood from my under boob crease down. It was totally obvious I had a bad case of Leak Boob.
Later on, down at the aging Rocker's center, Geddy Lee tried to get me to join his new band. Said I had a "sweet look". Not having been a big fan of his first band I politely declined. Super nice guy though.
Thankfully by morning the boobs were gone but I have to admit, I kinda miss that little fella who lived in my boob.
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